Buttercup from Princess Bride

I read this today and thought it was so hilarious!

Princess Buttercup: Yes, I get that she has attitude or whatever ("You mock my pain!"), but could Buttercup maybe DO something once in a while besides brush her hair and contemplate suicide because she and her boyfriend broke up? The woman is a blue silk sausage casing stuffed with whines. The most irritating movie scene on Earth (just go with me on the superlatives here) has to be in the Fire Swamp when – in the span of 10 minutes – Buttercup manages to catch fire, fall in a hole and get bit on the foot by the world's most-outrunnable and asthmatic mega-rodent. And when Westley steps in to rescue her and gets ROUS fangs embedded in his shoulder (Hantavirus of Unusual Size!), she just stands there and looks concerned. The best she can muster is to pick up a stick and sort of gently prod the rat thingy's haunch. A monster is eating your true love, Buttercup! And you prod its haunch? Poke, poke? That's it? Are you sure!? Hit it in the brains, for God's sake! Gosh, I hate Buttercup. I even hate buttercups the flowers now. I hate butter, I hate cups, I hate cups full of butter. See what you've done to me, Hollywood? I give up.

* I would like to preemptively acknowledge two things: 1) In battle, I – Lindy West, confirmed woman – could definitely not defeat a large supernatural wolf, a dishwasher-sized swamp rat, or even a very weak human man. A certain amount of whining would be inevitable. I get that. 2) If I were dating a pirate or shirtless warrior of some kind, I would absolutely let him do the heavy lifting in the protection-from-bodily-harm department. However, that said, I would at least try.

By: Lindy West

...she's so lame